gray spaces

Here's a short update to make up for the novel I wrote last time. The first day post-chemo was rough. I woke up at 5am feeling chilled and feverish. I had been warned multiple times to watch for fever, so I kept taking my temp, but I wasn't too hot, just achy and feeling feverish. I went to Target anyway--I've had a list of to-do's I wanted to get done all week, dammit, and I was going to do them! It went on this way for the rest of the day--I felt as though I had a terrible case of the flu--aches all over, a fever of 100 degrees all day. No nausea, though, for which I'm grateful. Apparently, the Taxotere is what gives the flu-like side effects. Last night I slept really well and am feeling enormously better this morning. I can understand the depression and despair that must go along with feeling really crappy for a long time. The whole rationale Tang and Kanard gave, too, for hormonal therapy increasing "quality of life" is also making sense. I'm sure...

I want to be concise and brief, but it won't turn out that way. Also, I won't post a photo of me in my briefs. That, I will spare you. The details, I will not. They will be long, drawn out, horrifying but funny, and potentially nauseating. Yesterday was one of my hardest emotionally. We dropped the girls at Janalee's (she's a brilliant, creative friend who creates the funniest , realistic, "life as it really is in the trenches of motherhood" cards: check them out--I've probably sent a few e-cards to each of you at one time or another: www.motherhoodwithattitude.com (What's not to love about a company with a name like that?) She lives about two steps from Rose Medical Center, which is where our treatments are, and has offered me the bed in her basement closet anytime. She's such a doll. She also facilitated a lemonade stand, in the rain, with six little girls in princess dresses (Katie, excluded of course, who, at eight, is too old for dress-up, u...

The girls and I rode our bikes up to Safeway today to get some groceries. We stopped by the bike shop to see about a basket. I didn't buy yet. It was a boring black color, and Mak said she knows where I can find a properly geeky one, so I think I'll wait. Clark put together a contraption on the back of his bike--the tag-a-long, upon which is mounted Eliza's baby seat. So managed, barely, wobbling along, with Kate and Emily trailing behind. It was fun, shopping for the ingredients for lemon meringue pie--inspiration provided by Amelia Bedelia, of course. So this afternoon Kathy and Lily and Sophie came over and we all made pie. Thank God Kathy was here--lemon meringue pie, with children, is really a two-adult process--be forewarned. And, Kathy is so smart--she uses words like "attrition" and "ancillary" in one conversation. And she's pretty. And so funny. I love her. The pies turned out delicious, and I felt like supermom. My friend Charlotte visited ...

My friend Melissa sent this to me today, and I LOVE it! Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says... 'Oh shit...she's awake!!'