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Yesterday's chemo day was uneventful save for the fact that I felt like I was having a manic depressive mood swing all day. I began the day manic, laughing entirely too hard at my own jokes on the way down and singing outrageously loud to U2. I then got to chemo, saw Kathy, the nurse practitioner who works with all the docs at Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers, during which time she sort of had to refamiliarize herself with me. As I processed this later, I realize that something that really "offs" me is when I feel faceless, nameless, or have only a perfunctory relationship with someone with whom, for reasons of sheer necessity, I'm required to interact with on a regular basis. Herein you get a picture to my beautiful mind: I realize that the part of my self that still functions as a child--needy and craving approval and notice--flounders and fusses when these ego-centric "needs" go unfulfilled, sometimes even by strangers from whom such attention is usually unn...

I've been mulling over the advice I got awhile back, which involved laughing a lot and making sure I keep a positive attitude. I have only one response. How the hell am I supposed to laugh my way to a cure when every time I laugh I pee myself? Maybe another t-shirt is in order? Pee for the cure? Cancer pales in contrast to my urinary incontinence? Shit. I mean, piss.

We just got back from four days of heaven. Kyndra (she's my favorite, Mak sang out loudly at the Rio) had booked a week at her family's ranch in Gypsum (outside of Vail) awhile back, and, following a tradition we started two years ago, where we schlep everyone up to play and lounge and eat and relax, we decided this was the perfect time to go. When we arrived, I kept noticing Jordan Kyndra's 3-year-old, looking at me. I've been rather remiss in hair styling lately, due mostly to laziness, so I had thrown my hair into one of the girls hair bands, which is to say, a pimped out hair band, and finally Jordan, said, "You look like a present, Auntie Heather." At first I thought she was being wise, but then Kyndra had to go and point out the fact that my head looked as though it was sprouting pink sparklers. It's gorgeous up there right now, the late-lasting spring rendering everything green and Ireland-like. The kitchen and dining room windows overlook a hay fie...